“’I don’t steal from anyone who can’t afford it, and I don’t hurt anyone who doesn’t deserve it.’”

Jason Statham decided to star in a crime movie that doesn’t require driving. Called it “Parker.”

Being the first adaptation of Richard Stark’s Parker series to use the main character’s name, I found this version to be a very well-thought out movie that still clings to Stark’s vision of the great criminal.

As a typical revenge story, Parker goes on a heist, but is betrayed early on in the movie. So he decides to chase them to a job he has been offered, down in Miami, the place no thief goes. They can cut off the island in a minute, raise the bridges, and stop traffic on the water easily. It’s a hard job. Because he’s smart, Parker doesn’t plan on getting to the jewels before his rivals; no, he plans on robbing them blind afterward.

It’s a very intelligent move, one that makes this heist/revenge movie different from many others.

See, Parker isn’t your average thief. He’s a thug, a brute who does the work. Don’t come in here expecting some savvy conman to whisk you off your feet. He’s going to step into the fray, and take what he wants. Nothing can stop him.

Not even the bad acting of Jennifer Lopez.

Parker comes down to Miami in the guise of a Texan looking for a house when in actuality, he’s looking for his rival’s house, a meager place not owned by anybody, so up for sale. Lopez sees an “exotic” man, single and rich, and thinks all this debt she’s been wrongfully dealt with can disappear. As long as she has her fingers on Parker.

But the criminal has a girlfriend, the daughter of a mafia boss who helped him secure the job that went wrong. Lopez doesn’t know this, and still clings bitterly to the amazing “Texan” and his awesome car.

Besides Lopez’s corny attempts at humor, I really disliked Statham’s try at a Texan accent. Being a Texan myself, I can say it was horrible. If you’re British, do not try Southern dialect at home. Don’t do it man.

The pacing was, as always, top notch. I feel like a broken record saying the action was refreshing, especially the climactic scene at the house. Statham’s movies have always been good at resolutions, and this one is no different.

“When I say I’ll going to do something I always follow through… always.”

It’s a typical Statham movie, save Jennifer Lopez’s arrival, and the lack of much car action. So if you want a fun, smart action movie without the staple of many explosions, this should be high up there. It’s no silly Expendables; this Parker guy is the real deal.

Rating: 8/10

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