Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters

“Whatever you do, don’t eat the fuckin’ candy.”

If the Grimdark movement and Heavy Metal Rock music had a baby together, this would be their movie.

Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton star in this bloody dark comedy, full of horrible jokes and too much gore. But I would argue that the latter is the hero of this tale, showing the most growth and characterization in the movie. Right from the get go, you can see that Gemma is the stronger of the two, Jeremy being the muscle with the Sugar Sickness. (Diabetes.)

As noted, this is a darker version of the fairy tale. Witches and people are killed by the dozens, all in an excessively bloody manner. If you hear a curse word, it’s the f-word. Very seldom is the colorful language all across the spectrum.

And the fight scenes are okay at best, doing the same thing over and over again.

Like the action, the plot is pretty predictable too. It has the same haunted backstory we’ve come to love, with a hero who has unknown powers rise to save the day. There’s the gentle giant and the lover with a secret.

It’s all been done before, so it doesn’t warrant a long review.

This is a fun movie to watch, light and filled with just enough action to pass the time. There’s no real substance, no real characters beyond about ten, and only two of them have any real roundness, the movie’s namesake.

So if you want a short, quick movie to see what the bad side of Grimdark is, I wholeheartedly recommend this silly escapade. But if you want to see a good, dark movie, like real Grimdark, don’t waste your time, even if it does have two stunning actors.

But man did I want that crossbow.

Rating: 5/10

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One thought on “Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters

  1. I was actually gonna watch this at theatres, but it left the local theatre pretty early. Oh, not sure if you got my Tweet, but I asked if you wanted to read a review I wrote of NCOM. Not that sure about it, but since you’re the only blogger I know that’s watched the movie, I wanted to know if you’d be willing to give it a read and tell me what you think before I publish it? Thanks.

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